I went down to Charlotte Talent Inc. today and auditioned.
I have a call back tomorrow morning at 10 am.
This could be something big for me.
This could be the start of some monumental career thing...

or not...

I dont want to get my hopes up, but I'll have fun doing it.


luck!

iv got a whole bunch of paintings to put up, i just need to get micheal to take pictures of them, then ill put them up.


be exprecting, im expecting...?

Up untill now i couldnt keep a solid personality for very long. It was fairly annoying, to me and others. So ive decided to become the me iv most loved being. The Invincible me. The Care free me. The real me.

Im not trying to sound dramatic or sound like Iv had a sudden spiritual awakening. Im trying to sound like im sick of pointless change, because I actualy am. And so are other people.

I know that only like 3 or four people who read this actualy know me and give a shit. But I really dont care. This isnt for you, this is for me. Maybe one or two other people, but mainly me.

So SHUT UPI AND APPLAUD MY DECISION MAKING SKILLS!



In conclusion...

You're a Racist...think about it, kuz i havnt.

Oh the time I worry away, thinking about how i could have done things differently. Wondering if it would have been better or worse if I had.

Why do I bother? It wont change anything and its a waste of thought and time.

Anymore, the only thoughts that aren't a waste are the ones about her. About us. Worrying about the future.

But why worry? In the back of my head I have this faint feeling that everything will work out better than I thought. But I don't want to get caught up in that feeling. What if its wrong? What then. Why get my hopes up for just the faintest feeling?

But then again, why get my hopes down. More often than not, at least for me, it seems like those faintest feelings are the ones that end up being the prophetic feelings. The ones that I SHOULD trust, I just don't know to until the time and need for the trust has long since passed.

So what to do...? Dive head-first into an uncertain, but somehow know future? Or do I stand back and poke it with a stick wondering "Is it alive?" (which translates into,"What do I do?")

Poor me. No. Poor, fateful life. Why should I say "Poor me." when every human feels the same uncertainty about there future? Who am I to be special in that way? Who am I to have the luxury of being sad about not knowing when everyone else feels just the same? The rich. The poor. The blacks. The whites. The men. The women. The young. The old.

Well, I suppose not the old, once you get to a certain point... the inevitable happens. poor them. They are the ones who have the luxury of being sad. They are the learned. The wise. The people who we DON'T want to go.

But I digress.

I'm stuck in a vicious circle of want and caution. All for her. Yes, you. You and only you.

I love you more than I ever have anything or anyone. Thats why I'm trapped where I am. Don't feel bad about it, no. Id rather be trapped here with you than set free with out you.

Ah, love is such a wonderful, dreadful thing. And I love it. And I love you. Only you.

ill put more pages up some other time. my computer is slow and i dont feel like doing it any more.

untill then......huh.


sory if i post the same page twice. again with the computer being bad,